Pain
by anetteo
Summary: Oneshot about Piper after Prue died.


A/n: Set after Prue died in AHBL.

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Piper sat on the cold floor of her bedroom leaning heavily against the wall. Her body was exhausted from the all crying. She had lost one of the people that mattered most to her in this life, she had lost the person she looked up to, she had lost her big sister. The people that remained in the house had been pushed away. She didn't want them there, and they didn't know what to say or do around her either. 

They wanted to comfort her, she wanted to be alone. Piper knew that they felt like she was blaming them for Prue's death. Truth was that on some level she did. If Phoebe hadn't gone to the underworld and if Leo had only healed Prue first none of this would have happened. Most of all though, she blamed herself. How could she not think about what would have happened if things were done differently?

Still sitting in the floor crying for her lost sister, Piper never noticed the swirls of bright lights that suddenly surrounded her. She didn't notice the person walking towards her and kneeling down before her. She should have been startled when felt a hand on her cheek, but she wasn't. She felt her mother's presence and the smell of her perfume, sandalwood. One of the few things she remembered about her before she died.

Patty stroked Piper's cheek soothingly; her heart sank when she saw her daughter in this state. She could feel the heartbreaking pain linger in the room's cold air. Her first-born had just died, and now her second-born was slowly killing herself with grief. Her hands cupped Piper's face and brought it up for her too look at.

Piper found herself staring into the similar brown eyes of her mother. She tried to suppress a sob, but failed miserably. Burying her face in her mother's shoulder she let out a silent whimper. "Mom." She didn't care how small she sounded when she said it.

Patty protectively put her arms around her child and rocked her slowly. "I'm here, sweetie."

"It should have been me. I should have died. It's my fault." Piper whispered, her voice raspy from all the crying. Patty stilled her rocking for a minute and looked down at her daughter who clung to her tightly. "Don't you ever think that, Piper. Don't ever think it was your fault." Her words were gentle, but firm. Piper sighed deeply, and hugged her mother tighter. "It hurts to talk, mom, it hurts to breathe." Patty kissed her gently on the top of her head. "I know, baby. I know." She soothed while stroking Piper's brown hair the way only a mother could.

"A month." Piper started sobbing again. Patty gazed down on her daughter. "A month?" She questioned her, not understanding what she meant by it. Piper once again met her mother's eyes; "We've never been apart longer than a month." Patty felt her heart sinking again. She knew her daughters were close, especially her oldest two. They had always been each other's best friends, and they had rarely fought growing up, other than the usual sibling rivalry, still even that was a rarity. "Sweetie, I know it's hard, but you can't give up. Believe me, Prue wouldn't want you to."

Piper shook her head softly. "All my life I've had a big sister," She paused, "and I don't know how to live without one. How do I live without her, mom, how?"

"I can't answer that, sweetie. You just have to promise me that you won't give up." Patty wiped away a few tears from her face. Piper rested her head on her mother's shoulder again and closed her eyes heavily. "I'll try." Patty let out a soft chuckle, "That's good enough for now." She should have known the answer. Even as a young child Piper was always the somewhat pessimistic one of the three girls and never made promises she found hard to keep.

An hour later the two of them still sat on the floor, it had taken a while for Piper to calm down and relax completely in Patty's arms. She had almost fallen asleep, but then she started to think again. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" Patty asked as she felt Piper's body becoming tense. "I feel selfish." She quietly said looking down on her hands as she started fidgeting.

Patty knitted her eyebrows and placed her hands on top of Piper's to stop her. "How come?" She asked her gently. Piper sighed deeply, "I've shut everybody out, had them walk around on tiptoes and still you come to me and not Phoebe. That makes me selfish." Patty shook her head, "No, Piper, it doesn't. Everyone grieves differently, and Phoebe doesn't need me to help her through, but right now you do. I know that, you know that, and the others know that as well. So don't feel selfish, because of all the things you are, selfish is not one of them." Patty helped Piper up and placed her hands on her shoulders. "You are strong, sweetie. Much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

Piper shook her head, "No, I'm not. I just tag along and freeze things." Patty chuckled softly again, and ran a hand over her middle child's cheek. "Silly girl, don't you know that you're the key? You're what holds everything together, you're the glue." Piper sighed, "Prue, was what held us together, mom, not me."

"She said you wouldn't be convinced too easily." Patty gave her a warm comforting smile. "She did? Prue told you that?" Piper quietly asked her mother. "She did, and apparently she was right. So if you don't believe me, believe your sister."

Piper's brown eyes fell to the floor, "I don't know, mom. It's just so hard." Patty wrapped her arms tightly around her again and Piper leaned in against her. "You've lost a lot, Piper, and I'm sorry for that. If I could have undone it all, I would in a heartbeat." Piper broke the hug and locked eyes with her mother again. "Just tell me, is she happy?" Patty nodded and sighed. "I'm not really allowed to tell you, but yes. She's adjusting, and she's with Andy. It's hard on her, not being with you and Phoebe though. Just as it is for all of us, but she's alright."

Piper took a deep breath. "Thank you for telling me." The older Halliwell smirked slightly, "Honey, what rule haven't we already broken when it comes to the elders?" Piper let out a small laugh combined with a sob. "True."

"You'll be alright, sweetie. You face loss and you come out stronger because of it." Patty kissed her middle daughter's forehead softly. "I have to go now. If you need me, you summon me. Ok?" Piper nodded and gave her mother one last hug before saying goodbye. "I love you, baby." Patty smiled as she stepped back and vanished. "Love you too." Piper whispered as she watched her mother disappeared. Wiping away the remainder of her tears she walked over to the door and took another deep breath.

Her mother was right; she would be ok in time.Now it was her turn to be strong for Phoebe.

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Feedback, I take it all, good or bad! 


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